yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
