one two three fourrrrnication!
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
