I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
