already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
