JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
