I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
