I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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