Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
