I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
