You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
