By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
