so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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