You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
