I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
