I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
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He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
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But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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