whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
