we have pet lesbian snakes
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
