god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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