I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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