Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Randomize
