During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
