Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He felt like a one man threesome
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
