I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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