there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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