I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My pussy is not your playground.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
