the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
