She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
