Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
