yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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