how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
