Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
