She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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