oh god the rape fog is back!
Someone shit on the floor
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
