do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
