I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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