I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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