i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
