I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
