In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
