Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
only you would photoshop your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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