I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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