found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
