I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
