I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
