Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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