I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
