OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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