maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
