Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
