wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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