I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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