I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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