I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm always down for nudity.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
