i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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