life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
