Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Randomize
