Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
