As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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