I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
