Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
