Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
