I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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