So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
