I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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