Soap is not a condiment
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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