I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
