We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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