organizing the empties. That sober.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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