Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
