He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
