Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
