dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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