He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
