matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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