I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
